Have you ever wondered why your “significant other” can’t read your mind? Send all the right signals and they still can’t seem to figure out what your saying? Are you speaking the same language? Love language, that is.
In the book Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman, is listed the five ways we love. Unfortunately, not all of us have the same language as our partners. This can cause hurt feelings and miscommunication in our relationships. Figure out your love language and see if your partner speaks it:
1-Words of Affirmation – you desire unsolicited compliments. This one is mine. I didn’t get much praise growing up and love to get a compliment. I’m not always very good at accepting them but I love to hear them. These can include anything from “dinner was great”, to “you look amazing today”.
2-Quality Time – this is receiving your partner’s undivided attention, whether its talking about your day or having dinner together. No cell phones, no distractions.
3-Receiving Gifts – receiving an unexpected gift where thoughtfulness, love and effort were put into it. Its not about dollar value.
4-Acts of Service – Surprise! The dishes are done, or the kids have already been picked up. These are the “let me do that for you” moments.
5-Physical Touch – I know you’re expecting this to be sex – not exactly. Some people are very “touchy”, lots of hugs, pats, holding hands, thoughtful touches. These are ways to show excitement, concern, care and love.
OK, now think about those. Which is the most important to you? They are all great and we all like them but which one speaks to you the most? You can have more than one but usually one is dominant. I have already admitted Words of Affirmation is mine but so is Physical Touch. I’m a patter. I touch folks when I talk to them. Now think about your loved one. What is their love language? They probably do examples of theirs to you. We tend to give examples of our love language to others, thinking they like it too. For instance, I have a friend who’s husband likes to receive gifts so he buys her things all the time. Her love language is physical touch and he rarely touches her (except for sex). So she tries to hold his hand and he’s not interested. See how this works?
The goal would be to learn each others language so you can meet each others needs. So, your homework assignment, should you chose to accept, is to figure out yours and your partner’s love language. See if you can speak each others language.