Linda Saxy

Author (A.K.A. Linda Bolton)

What Are You Trying To Say

Ok, ok, I know this will freak you out…I know it did me, at first. I signed up on a dating sight.

I know, don’t say it. I couldn’t help myself. My writer/blogger friend, Aurora Morealist, mentioned it in the interview I did with her last month and I couldn’t help myself. I was curious. Could I  really meet someone on that kind of site?

Well, let me just say, perusing the site is very entertaining. I know the site gives instructions on how to pick a good profile picture. We all know these sites are geared for looks first, personality second – if at all. So explain something to me guys…What are you thinking?

I’m flipping through the 200 men the site recommends I may have something in common with. The profile photos are surprising and, to be frank, quite scary in some cases. Guys, come on, in what planetary plane do you think a woman would find you attractive with a mouth full of food? Better yet, the photo where you cut out the ex-wife/girlfriend? Really? I still see her arm around you and her hand is on your shoulder with the hunk of diamond you bought her 15 years ago. Dudes, I am amazed! I know you may not want your friends knowing you’re posting on a dating site but the pic in front of the bathroom mirror with your cell phone in your hand…wholly moly, have you no other photos? Could you just get someone to take a photo of you? Say its just ‘cuz. Guys, guys (shaking my head in dispair), what are we going to do with you?

I love photos of scenery, but guys, I don’t care how unfortunate you think you look, that will not get a woman to talk to you. We’re just as afraid of how you look as you think you look. We don’t like surprises. Have you noticed you can post more than one photo? That means, save the ones with your kids for those – not the profile. Yes, most women like kids and we know yours are imprtant to you, but you are trying to get us to be attracted to you, not your 10 year old daughter or, for that matter, the small lap dog licking your face.

The photo doesn’t have to be professional, just clear with enough light so we can see you, and close up enough we don’t need a magnifying glass to see what you look like. Nothing fancy, unless you want to.
It would, also, be nice if you smiled a bit. Looking grumpy or a mug shot doesn’t attract dates usually either.

Men, think about the photos of women you like to see. Do you realize we may take 40 photos to find just the right one? Granted, I don’t see the profile pics of the women on the dating site, but I do know I tried to pick some of my best shots. I know my girlfriends on Facebook, also, take great pains to post the best photos.

Come on guys, get a clue. If you are looking for someone to spend some time with, attract her the right way…with your best foot forward.


  1. Kudos to you for doing your homework before writing this great piece that belongs on all dating sites everywhere. The no picture at all is also very special or Google Earth distance shot where you can barely discern earth let alone a human. I know some don’t want their photos out there but photos can be shared privately. There is just no more excuse for bad photos, old photos etc I hope men and women everywhere on dating sites take note of your first hand research because I have checked out my peers and was actually VERY embarrassed for many of them in their sleazy bathroom/bedroom shots. If sex is all people want, there are sites for that. Skulking, lurking and trolling the “GENUINE” dating site members who have only the purest of intentions is just plain WRONG. You are so right, Linda. Best Foot Forward. Or don’t even go there. Not only unkind but just downright rude. I suppose many on the internet think “it’s just a computer, I can do what I want.” And you can. But they should also be aware that the internet is far more PUBLIC than any street, store or other venue could ever be. Well said, write on, Linda~! 🙂

  2. My fav were the ones in their undershirts -wife beaters and plenty of tattoo. Or the ones who were clearly cut out of a catalog. Good advice, Linda.Women seem to get it. If you ever look at your “competition”, you’ll see how hard they try to be attractive.

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