Linda Saxy

Author (A.K.A. Linda Bolton)

Tag: sex

What will Romance and Marriage be like in 100 years?

Now, I’m not a paranormal writer (at least, not yet) but you do have to wonder…

Look back 100 years – 1917

  • Some marriages were still arranged
  • Dating was done in groups or with a chaperone
  • Receiving gifts was very much a part of the romance
  • Virginity was more common until the wedding night
  • Many women married in their teens, not finishing high school
  • Women over 25 years old were considered spinsters
  • It was romantic to cook a lovely meal with a candle lit table setting
  • Kink was considered something very private, as well as the act of sex
  • Sex was often times considered only for procreation
  • Marriages lasted many years – divorce not being considered, even in the worse circumstances due to its stigma.

Looking at today – 2017

  • Many couples meet via social media or internet dating sites
  • Dating is rarely chaperoned
  • Gifts are typically only given for special occassions
  • Virginity is a rarity  – many couples have sex by the third date, if not sooner
  • Many women opt for high school and college graduation prior to considering marriage
  • Many women wait until their 30’s and 40’s to marry the first time – waiting until their careers are established or hoping to find the right one later on when they’re more mature – avoiding divorce
  • A romantic dinner out is preferred to avoid cleanup
  • Kink is freely talked about in order to find a more suitable mate
  • Sex is considered a must not an option  – even without the need to procreate, thanks to advances in birth control
  • It’s typical to find a mate who has been married multiple times due to divorce being a ready option for difficult relationships

Flash Forward 100 years – 2117

  • Couple paring will be arranged for more equality in intellect
  • Dating will be obsolete
  • Gifts will be unnecessary
  • Virginity will be in demand as to keep couple paring limited
  • Advanced education for both parties will be the norm
  • All will be pared by age 30
  • Kink will again be private and underground
  • Sex will be demanded for only procreation, all other options for sex will be private and underground
  • Divorce will be obsolete

Of course, all this is my own personal option.  What do you think romance and marriage will be like in 100 years? I’d love to hear your ideas.

How to have Success with Online Dating

me and curtis

 

I have quite a few friends dating in their 40’s and 50’s. I was just a year ago. Where do you go to meet people? Do you rely on your friends to introduce you to someone? Do  you try old flames on social networking sites? Or do you try online dating? Leave a comment below and tell me what you did.

I tried online dating. It was an experience. Was it all bad? No. I made a really good friend and we still chat and keep in touch. Did I think I’d find Mr Right there? For awhile…

I tried a number of sites – Match.com, OKCupid, Plenty of Fish, Farmers Only, eHarmony, and a few I don’t remember. They’re all about the same. Men looking for that special woman, men looking for a few hot dates, men looking but not sure what they’re looking for. I’m sure it’s the same for men – women looking…

As I’ve talked to friends, male and female, we’ve all learned a few things along the way as we’ve online dated. First, there is no magic or fireworks when you meet. I’m not sure if it’s because you fear meeting face to face (it is a kind of blind date no matter how much  chatting online and phone calls you’ve had) or if it’s the years of cynicism, maybe a bit of both. I’m not saying it can never happen, I’ve just found that most relationships, mature relationships, take time. Do either of you have children or grandchildren? How much time do you spend with them? Are you super independent and need alone time? Are you a bit needy and like to spend all your available time with your significant other? What kind of baggage are you bringing from your past relationships? All these things come into play when you start dating. It’s a lot to consider and talking about the most important aspects early on eliminates months of dating the wrong person.

Second, you need to decide beforehand, how many dates you’ll give the relationship before you give up. Not every meeting is meant to be. He may be great on the phone or via online chat, but in person he could be a dud. I had a few. My rule was three dates. First date was usually awkward and didn’t last more than a couple of hours. Second date is more like a real date. Dinner, coffee, dancing or a movie, a walk along the lake. This is where you talk more on a personal level, feel each other out. If it goes well, and phone calls are going well, the third date is usually the relaxing date. This is where some of the bad habits come out, for both of you. Maybe it’s dinner at your house or a barbecue at his buddy’s where you meet his friends. At the end of this date is where you go home and assess if you think it’s worth pursuing.

Third, what are you rules on sex. As mature adults, I don’t care whether the site is religious based or not, sex comes up. What are your rules or boundaries? You know it’s going to go there. If you’re both in your 40’s or he’s in his 50’s, you’re wondering if things work like they should. Let’s be honest, women in their 40’s and 50’s, especially single women, are wanting more sex, more than they did at 20. And we remember how the guys were like rabbits at 20, driving us nuts, but are they still interested at 50? Do they need a little blue pill (nothing wrong with that, by the way) or have they totally lost the drive (low T)? These are things you need to know. Is he a kinky stud or a dull dud? I’m not saying you should hop into bed with every guy you date (use protection from STDs if you do) but I’m also not saying you should believe everything they say either.

From experience I have found what a guy says about his sex drive is what it was at 20. He’s not lying, he still sees himself as that young guy. Besides, what are you saying? Everyday sex sounds fun until you live together and life waps you up side your face. We all get tired after a long work day. When you’re dating, you’re limited on the time you see each other. You bump like bunnies. But once you’re under the same roof, life happens. You see each other everyday. That burst of energy you used to get when you saw each other just isn’t that explosive on a day to day basis. Reality…It’s good to discuss what each others real expectations are.

So, now you might be thinking online dating sounds too scary or complicated, what other options do you have? Well, your friends may know someone, you may find an old flame on social networking in your area (I did) or you could try Meetups. Meetups are groups of people with a common hobby or interest that get together at various times during the month. You can bring a girlfriend and avoid meeting anyone or be brave and introduce yourself to the new crowd. They meet in various locations, you just have to find one that suits you. There’s also match makers. They learn about you and match you to someone else they represent. These can be vary costly and you still may not find Mr/Mrs Right.

It’s a crap shoot! Be in the right place at the right time and maybe you’ll meet the right one. The best part, it’s an adventure!

Have you online dated? Did you find Mr/Mrs Right? I’d love to hear your experiences! Share in the comment box below.

 

Can a Realist Become a Romantic

If the knight in shining armor doesn’t exist, what does? Do the moonlit walks and candlelit dinners? Or are those just in the movies? Do men really whisper sweet nothings or is that just in books? Is there really sexual tension or do most couples jump into a physical relationship so quickly that there is no tension?

Think about how sexual relationships on television have changed. Remember the days when couples slept in separate beds? Those days are gone and so has our imagination.  Even during prime time scenes are very explicit.  So, how does that fit into our view of romance?

For realists, romance is dead.  We all have busy lives and are lucky to be able to sit down to have dinner, much less light candles and have a glass of wine.  A quickie is the norm. Romance is for the big screen and novels; a fantasy best left to the imagination.

For romantics, its alive and well.  The slightest touch or softest breath can stir up desire. A look or smile can cause the heart to skip a beat.  Intimacy starts with holding hands and a slight kiss.  Sexual tension is meant to build. Time and place are considered just as important as the act itself.

Which category do you fit in? Realist? Romantic? Is a romance novel or a movie an aphrodisiac? Is there time for romance in the 21st century? Can you be converted?

Giving the Reader What They Want

I write what I want to read. I have heard other authors say that. I love to read historical romance. LOVE IT!  Do I want to write it? No!  Way too much research! I like to write contemporary romance. Once I get published will anyone else want to read my books?  I hope so.

I met up with some friends tonight who are avid readers.  Mostly romance. I listened to the comments they made about other authors they read.  The heroine was too young and not relatable, too many zombies, story didn’t move along quick enough, too much sex, not enough sex…

It gave me even more book ideas. I definitely have the writing bug! My muse is busy throwing ideas at me quicker than I can write them down. Surely others will want to read my work and share it with the world. If not I will still have to write. And I will continue to listen to what others want to read and try to accommodate while still enjoying they story my way.

© 2021 Linda Saxy

Theme by Anders NorenUp ↑

error

Enjoy this blog? Please spread the word :)